How it all went down

For me, there is nothing that compares to 'Referral Day.' Those of you who have adopted know exactly what I mean. It's an intense mix of emotions and the end of an anxious season of waiting and the start of a new chapter of (more anxious) waiting.

So, here's how March 19th went down at our house. We woke at the usual 6-6:30am wakeup time and we all had breakfast together before Mark headed to work. At 7, the boys watched Curious George and I began making an insanely involved tart (more on that nonsense later). We got ready for the day and then Mark's mom and dad came over to spend the day with us. I headed off to 'spa day' with my mom's group, and lamented with a few friends there about our lack of referral and on the way home stopped at the grocery store for a few missing items I needed to complete the insanely involved tart. I got home at 11:55am and 6 minutes later, as I was in the bathroom, my phone rang. I heard my mother-in-law shriek and knew she must have seen "HOLT" on the call screen. I ran out of the bathroom and knew I'd missed the call, but there was soon a VM. I quickly checked it and our specialist said she wanted to talk with both of us. Not a moment later, our home phone rang. I answered it and after she reintroduced herself I said, "I hope you're calling for the reason I think you are!" and she said, "Yes, we have a referral for you for a little girl." I asked if she could conference Mark in at work, and she said she couldn't. Rather than hear about our girl by myself, I opted to let her email us all her information and we'd look at it together. So, both boys were about to go down for their naps, and I didn't want them pulling their shenanigans as I tried to fully focus on the intensity of the referral. I went into auto-pilot at that point putting the boys down for bed, and of course on that particular day they were dragging their feet so it seemed like an hour, but by 12:20 we were sitting down together and opened up the email. And....

My jaw dropped.

She is a sight to behold.
She is gorgeous.

I could not help but gush and gush over her from the moment I saw her. She has the most amazing little face. From her big brown eyes to her perfect rosebud lips and softest looking skin on the planet. She has the most soulful look and sweet demeanor. I cannot believe she is going to be my daughter. I am impatient to know her fully. To know what the expression in her photos mean. To know what her smile looks like. To wrap my arms around her tight and kiss her cheeks.

We read through her background information (which choose not share as it is her sacred story), and began to grieve all of the loss involved in her story. Her loss is now our loss and we will continue to grieve with her in the months and years to come.

I spent the next several hours on the phone with family and friends, sharing our good news (Mark got back to work, hard worker that he is!) and was so grateful my in-laws were here so I could completely immerse myself in the news of "B" that afternoon. I shared B's picture with them individually when they woke up from their naps. Torin purred "Baby" at her, and Ashen stared intently at her photos for about a minute before beaming and then insightfully asking about what happened to her (he is aware that they have much in common). The boys received their new "Big Brother" shirts and sported them proudly for their photo shoot. in In the evening, we all went out for a celebratory dinner and relished in the news of B.

She is already a Blessing.
We are so lucky.