And the walls came a tumbling down

Today there is officially no turning back. Our bedrooms are now officially exposed to the addition. Black sheets of plastic drape in our rooms (making me think twice about doing that black accent wall in our new room...hehe). Up until now we were able to work completely without disrupting the existing house. Alas, today was the BIG day that the merge occurred. Mark and his brother and dad carefully knocked those lathe and plaster walls down because Saturday we have a drywall crew coming. Did you hear that? We hired some people to help us! Yes, that is truly something since until now we've hired only the foundation crew, and that was in May. So, my poor husband and father in law finally get a break and get to sit back and watch someone else do the work this weekend. Aaaahhh.

Today was nuts. Mark was up working by 6:30 in order to get everything ready for the insulation inspection this morning, then the plastic drapes went up and the demo began. Imagine trying to get kids down for 3 naps (between the two of them) while someone is taking out the wall in their room. Not easy. The demo ended at 7:30 tonight, a wee bit after Torin wanted to go to sleep, but he made it. Ashen was a bit of a basket case after he asked me at noon if he could go to sleep, and it wasn't until 2 that he actually could (because they were literally sawing studs out 10 feet from his crib).

Well, this is a huge milestone we've been waiting for. There is some excitement in the air as we feel like we're getting closer to the end. Remodels are hard. Period.

Hermanos

My boys love to be together. Where one is, you will find the other. If one moves to another part of the house, the other follows. If one is playing with a toy, the other wants it. And takes it. If one is drumming on the jembe, the other starts drumming too. If one starts clapping at the table, the other does the same. You get the picture. Dinner at our house is a comedy routine, though often the adults are left wondering what was sooooooooooo funny--but the boys sure know something is hilarious and have laughing attacks.

I just started reading a book called The Creative Family which is reminding me to take time just to observe the creativeness of my kids. We were born to be creative, whether it's through imagination or play or art or sports. Somewhere along the way, other things (read: ego, making money, the search for success, laundry, bills, etc;) start to crowd out the ways in which we are creative, leaving us lacking an outlet. The book mentioned that somehow having small children tends to intensify the need to be creative because we observe such creative beings all day long. It said that often new moms start a new creative venture when their children are young in order to capture their creativity. Ah, my life does make sense (at least according to this author).

Ashen just started imagination play that we can recognize. He's calling his rounded bread crusts "boats" and sailing them across the dining room table during dinner, saying that they are going through waves. He is making up a lot of his own songs. Yesterday morning he was singing "Mice in the moonlight" to a beautiful tune. Hmmm...I have no idea where that came from--I didn't even know he knew what moonlight was. Yesterday he and Grandma Ann built a "house" out of a card table draped with a quilt and he played in it with Torin throughout the day. Imagination play was one of my fondest childhood memories (along with art projects and playing outside--which were often imagination play at their finest).

I leave you with some pictures from this morning. One of Torin's favorite activities is banging on the windows (and biting on the sill...). Today Ashen decided to join in :) The next group of photos is the boys just hanging together...hermanos.

Baby Blue in the Raw

I realized it's been awhile since I posted pics of little T. Here's a few from the weekend...nope, not retouched. His eyes are really that blue!

Having Fun with our New Camera

Good thing I have such great subjects!

My Morning Ritual

It began with a job in high school, working at two pretty scummy espresso stands, one right outside of a grocery store, the other a drive through cracker box on the outer gates of a Naval Base. The hours were horrible: 5am-1pm on weekends, and weekdays after school. It was also freezing. With a whole shelf full of syrups strung up on the cement wall behind me, and my eyelids having a hard time opening, I began to experiment with different concoctions. I was not a coffee lover. Up until then, I enjoyed italian sodas and mint hot chocolate. But, I have always loved the smell of coffee, and when you're making it all day, it ropes you in (it has a way or working its way into our lives, doesn't it?). First it was mochas with an additional flavor, like mint or carmel, or even raspberry. Oh, the sweet syrupy taste of a "Snickers" or "Milky Way" mocha. I could tolerate coffee! Actually, I couldn't even taste the coffee.

Over time my tastes have refined themselves. I'm not a black coffee drinker, but I do love my morning vanilla latte. I can do without the vanilla, but then I add some raw sugar. I like coffee with a touch of sweetness. I think I've mentioned before that I also like coffee from the evil empire. They are local, and I used to work there and I have a wee bit of stock in them. Both my neighbors work there, and my brother-in-law, so it sort of feels like I'm supporting family--especially since they've been in a severe down slump of late (well, actually that has all new meaning since pretty much everyone is in a down slump). Okay, I don't need to justify my love of Starbucks. I just do like the strong, dark taste of their espresso, and I whip it up several mornings a week with my old tried and true machine, the Barista.

It's best on the weekends when Mark is here to enjoy a cup with me...but when he's not, I sip it and think about what a great day I have ahead of me. I think it has some magical good feeling powers :)

A Dinner to Remember

Sundays I plan our weekly menu. This is somewhat of an arduous task as anyone who is the primary meal planner of any family knows. I don't like to eat the same things every week, or even every other week if possible. Food snobbish? Maybe so. I am definitely a foodie of sorts, though I don't go way out of my way to make obscure meals, just delish ones. I recently began getting Bon Apetit (wish I knew how to do the accent), for free with frequent flier miles on an airline I don't use much. I like to gain inspiration from magazines, like that one and Cooking Light, and from some websites like Epicurious, West Coast Cooking and Allrecipes, plus my cookbooks. You can't go wrong with Barefoot Contessa, if you can bare the fat. Now, there are some obscure meals in Bon Apetit and people who make lots of meals out of Bon Apetit would definitely be out of my league as I often don't recognize at least one ingredient in each recipe, and the time it takes to make some of their meals is....days. For example, in this months' issue there is a Braised Short-rib recipe that I thought looked interesting. I'm not a huge rib person, but I like the occassional rib, and of course the boys like ribs. So, for a special occassion, ribs might be in order. Well, this rib recipe would take at least 3 hours hands on, plus a day to marinate after cooking, then further cooking the next day. Whew. I won't be making those until I'm retired, and probably not then either.

In case you're curious about what's on our dinner menu this week, here's a sneak peek:

Blueberry, Pecan and Goat Cheese Salad (pictured above), courtesy of Heather
Corn Chowder via Barefoot Contessa
Boboli Pizza, courtesy of Costco
Split Pea Soup, also via Barefoot Contessa, but fortunately from my freezer
Chicken Enchiladas
Beef Stew from my generous mother-in-law
and Lasagna from my dear sister-in-law, Beth

Some of our other favorites that are not on the menu:

Honey Grilled Shrimp

A peek at my belated birthday dinner in September at the cabin

Deep Dish Blackberry Pie....mmmmm. I LOVE this extra deep pie plate I got for my birthday!

Thank you for all the encouraging comments on the blog and elsewhere about my wake-up call. In all honesty, I felt a little (lot) vulnerable in putting it out there, but figured that I'd rather have a more authentic blog, than just a glossy one. I have been taking a very healthy step back in the last few days to let things go. My mother in law came over to help out Wednesday and Thursday, and Heidi was here yesterday, and today we're having a family day, just the four of us. I have intentionally not been doing things I want to do. Like working on the new clutches (purses) I am going to sell in my shop. Oh, they are so wanting to be made into the beautiful pieces they will be. Or the cute little skirts that are begging to be made and worn by little girls I know. Oh, well. I feel so much healthier already, both physically and mentally and know I can jump back into my fun business as things get a little more sane. I do have a few orders I have to fulfill, so I actually look forward to that since I'm kind of on a sewing fast.
A little breather here and there is necessary. I have done it few times in my life, but now is a good time for one. The only thing that would make it better (other than our house being done!) is to relaxing on a tropical beach.

Too Much

"What I must do is all that concerns me. This rule, equally arduous in actual and intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My life on this blog is often portrayed as rosy and perfect. I don't try to sugar-coat things, but unfortunately, it's not. I do tend to see my life as a glass 3/4 full and hopeful, which is maybe why my blog posts are often upbeat but my optimistic tendencies also tend to get me into some messes. This week my life came to a crossroads, a wake-up call of sorts. I've never had such an experience that I can recall. Nothing tragic happened, but after months of burning the candle at both ends and in the middle, I finally burned out. Like I didn't already know that being a full-time mom to two boys under 2, waking up every single night for 242 nights in a row, adding 50% more house onto our house by ourselves, taking care of most of the household duties while my husband slaves away on the house, catering meals every single night to my well-deserved work crew, building a creative new business and trying (unsuccessfully) to keep up with my friends and family was too much. Way too much. I started to get achy all over. It started in my legs. My head ached. I couldn't get comfortable.

I sat down to try to get the aches to subside and turned on Oprah. I haven't watched Oprah in nearly a year. There has been no time for Oprah in my life. Well, the show was about overwhelmed mothers who hit a breaking point and have a wake up call. The woman featured on the show had a much much much more devastating wake-up call than I. She was a teacher and on the first day of school, she put her 2 year old daughter in the car to take her to daycare before heading to work. Her husband usually did this, but he had a dentist appointment that morning. Her mind was swirling with details about work and the pressure of the first day. Her daughter fell asleep on the way, and she totally forgot she was in the car. She drove to school and went to work, forgetting that her daughter was asleep in the car. It was a sweltering day. Her daughter died. Because her mom forgot. That could be me. It could be you. Our lives are so fast paced that a mere break in the routine can cause a huge devastating mistake.

I have felt so harried lately. Trying to juggle all of the things I listed above. I often feel like I'm doing nothing well. I am ashamed to admit that before I had children of my own, I thought that stay at home moms had it well, sorta easy. I mean, they get to stay home and take care of kids, how hard can that be? Kids are fun, right? And when the kids are playing, well you can sit and drink a cup of coffee, or cruise the internet, or read a good magazine. And plus, kids nap all the time, so stay at home moms must have lots of time to themselves. Their houses should be clean because, well, they have lots of time to clean it, because, duh, they're at home. I'm sort of a domestic goddess type, so I thought that stay at home momming would be pie in the sky. I love cooking, baking, gardening, sewing, art, etc. Unfortunately, there is little time for such delights. My house is constantly cluttered. I stay up way too late trying to fill orders for Sew Yummy. My garden is ridiculously overgrown. I cook because I have to. My kids are happy though.

So, after seeing Oprah and realizing that I could too easily make a devastating mistake if I continued the lifestyle I was living (leave it to Oprah to change my life, right? haha), I started back into a book I recently picked up. The Shack. I haven't read for pleasure in months. I read the Economist every week. I read some random magazines here and there. I haven't had time to read real books. Well, I picked up the Shack and have been enthralled. Reading about the tragedies of one man's life, and how he met God in a new and real way that showed him just how loved and cared for he is. How loved we all are. Okay, I don't agree with all of the theology of it all, but that's besides the point.

That night Mark and I talked and talked. Well, I mostly cried and he mostly listened. There is little we can do about our house project right now. We aren't going to halt it. We need to finish it. So, we must ask for help and see if we can hire out some of it that makes sense. I am going to stop unnecessary Sew Yummy work for now. I am going to try to ask for help when I need it, being more direct rather than roundabout (thanks BS girls!). There's not much more I can cut out, but I am going to be more aware of what I do and don't do. I will try be present where I am, not thinking ahead too much.

Torin just awoke. My 40 minutes to myself for the day is done. Time to go. I do love love love my boys and being with them every day is a privilege I don't want to sacrifice for a day job.

Happy 8 Months!!