It is hard to believe that we met our precious girl more than five months ago. The summer went by in an instant and is very blurry for me. The first three months home were very difficult for me. The transition home triggered major anxiety, something I had never experienced before, and was very debilitating and scary for me. The worst part was that I had difficulty sleeping, which created a vicious cycle of anxiety and sleep deprivation. I was anxious about our family and how my life and outlook seemed to change so profoundly with the addition of Bereket. I was worried that I could not meet her needs in the way she needed them to be met. I was overwhelmed by the needs of my three young kids. It took me time to get to know her, and of course I am still getting to know her. She is a very smart and complex little girl. Those who meet her often comment within minutes about her advanced emotional intelligence. She comprehends things beyond her years. She studies people. She reacts appropriately (for a much older child) to situations. For example, on the day that we took custody of her in Addis, we were at the care center for the last time and as she was handed over to us and we were socializing with other families in the main room, she kept looking back at the door to her bedroom and reaching out for it with urgency. She had not done that any other time. She knew it was her last time there and was panicking. No other child in our group responded that way. Often I feel as though I'm relating with a forty year old trapped inside an infant's body. Since we met, she's been aching to communicate verbally. She often becomes frustrated when she doesn't get what she wants, though this has improved so much over the last couple of months.
I am happy to say that I had a dramatic reversal about 2 months ago. After my third acupuncture appointment, suddenly all was well. Yes, it was that abrupt. I went in to the appointment still feeling anxious, had a nauseous pit in my stomach for 3 months, didn't have an appetite, had lost 10 pounds, couldn't sleep, etc. I left feeling hungry and without a stomach ache. I am a woman who relies heavily on my faith, and had been praying so much that God would heal me and that I would feel like myself again. I also did a lot to try to get out of the funk: counseling, doctor, acupuncture, running, 'me' time, etc. I was not willing to settle that this was the way life was for me. Though I knew that God could make it better without me doing anything, I wanted to give Him as many opportunities as possible to work. I often felt like my wheels were spinning. Hope and God's presence were not always evident. But, it was many of you who encouraged me that it would get better and that life would not always be "like this" that kept me hopeful. God is good.
My relationship with my beloved Bereket continues to grow. I look at her with admiration for her strength, her patience with me and for her sparkly spirit. Though our journey started with a few bumps, I do think it has bonded us in a way that I may not have experienced if it had been easy.
