Your words of understanding, compassion and encouragement blew me away. Thank you for the comments, emails, phone calls and cards. Thank you for the meals and the visits. We are surrounded by an incredible community of friends and family, and those near and far have shown me so much love in the last few weeks. A huge thank you to our parents who show us unconditional love and who "show up" ready to help. We could not have gotten this far without you.
I really thought I would be in a dark place for months, but by nothing short of a miracle, I am feeling much better already. Last Thursday, my Dr. prescribed an anti-depressant that caused such a severe reaction after taking only one pill, that together we decided that was not the right road for me. Through that experience, the 24+ hours of feeling like I could not move and my body was revolting, I realized that things could be (and were) much worse. I wanted to feel the way I was feeling the day before. The "not me" me was much better than the drug reaction me. Two and a half days later, an abrupt change occurred and I began to feel "normal" again. Nothing significant changed that would cause me to feel that way, other than getting a decent night's sleep. I needed sleep.
I'm not out of the woods yet, but the light on the other side is much brighter and I can see my way out now. I really felt lost. I have never understood the darkness and uncontrollable feelings of depression. I'm not sure now if i was truly depressed, but whatever it was, it was lonely and dark and felt like it would never end. I am already thankful for the new understanding I have, not for having experienced it, but for the compassion I now feel for those who struggle with depression.
Someone described this journey as something akin to post-traumatic stress. The road to recovery is not straight uphill. As I climb the mountain of healing, there are valleys along the way--though each valley is a little less deep. This week, I feel like I'm ascending. I know there will be a dip, but I'm praying it's not far and am thankful for having Him and so many others to fall back on.
Now onto the good stuff...and there will be more. I am inspired by one of my trave mates who has been blogging about her trip to try to blog about ours in more detail. For now, here are a few sweet shots of my kids. Torin took the first two. The second show a bit of the love between my oldest and youngest, and my middle is very close behind.
I really thought I would be in a dark place for months, but by nothing short of a miracle, I am feeling much better already. Last Thursday, my Dr. prescribed an anti-depressant that caused such a severe reaction after taking only one pill, that together we decided that was not the right road for me. Through that experience, the 24+ hours of feeling like I could not move and my body was revolting, I realized that things could be (and were) much worse. I wanted to feel the way I was feeling the day before. The "not me" me was much better than the drug reaction me. Two and a half days later, an abrupt change occurred and I began to feel "normal" again. Nothing significant changed that would cause me to feel that way, other than getting a decent night's sleep. I needed sleep.
I'm not out of the woods yet, but the light on the other side is much brighter and I can see my way out now. I really felt lost. I have never understood the darkness and uncontrollable feelings of depression. I'm not sure now if i was truly depressed, but whatever it was, it was lonely and dark and felt like it would never end. I am already thankful for the new understanding I have, not for having experienced it, but for the compassion I now feel for those who struggle with depression.
Someone described this journey as something akin to post-traumatic stress. The road to recovery is not straight uphill. As I climb the mountain of healing, there are valleys along the way--though each valley is a little less deep. This week, I feel like I'm ascending. I know there will be a dip, but I'm praying it's not far and am thankful for having Him and so many others to fall back on.
Now onto the good stuff...and there will be more. I am inspired by one of my trave mates who has been blogging about her trip to try to blog about ours in more detail. For now, here are a few sweet shots of my kids. Torin took the first two. The second show a bit of the love between my oldest and youngest, and my middle is very close behind.
9 comments:
Oh man, those photos are so sweet! So glad you are feeling better, and on the rise back up. So sorry for all the rough times, though. Sleep deprivation is KILLER! I definitely know how everything feels overwhelming when you can not get enough sleep.
Bring on the sunny days and restful nights!
love you. Hope T is feeling better.. did I mention how great it was to see you all Sunday?? xoxo
Glad you're doing a little better. Take it slow.
This post makes me smile for many reasons. Well, the bottom part does. The allergic reaction portion is scary and I am so sorry to hear you had that going on, but so, so very happy to hear that you have seen rays of sun through the rain. Still thinking of you. And admiring your little lovelies.
That 3rd picture is about to break my heart!!!
i'm glad you are feeling better!!! isn't it amazing how your entire outlook can change when you aren't feeling yourself. i had a similar reaction when i took progesterone...i felt like i was going to die, but it seems to have reset something and my back pain has been much less. ah, the mysteries of medicine or the healing of Jesus!!!
Sarah, thanks for being so open and real about what you're experiencing. Sometimes just exposing things to the light goes a long way in healing. Many of my family members struggle with depression and I think it is hard to understand without experiencing it. That last picture melts my heart. Such beautiful kiddos!
Sleep. It does wonders! As I told you, I still remember after months of not sleeping through the night that when it finally came, I was a different person. It's amazing and I wish you many more nights of sleep-a-plenty!!! Glad you are feeling better :)
hugs,
C
Beautiful pictures. Ah, that look in their eyes... so much love already! Glad to know you're seeing the light and walking toward it. May you feel God walk alongside you every step of the way -through his presence or the presence of loved ones :)
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