Well, it's almost 3pm on Friday afternoon. It's still possible that it could be today, but seems a bit late.
I am excited, but also feeling nervous. When we went through our first adoption process I remember feeling so much eager anticipation for our referral call. I daydreamed about what the call would be like and played it over in my mind a hundred times before the call actually came. I expected pure elation, and when the call came at 10:13 am Friday, April 27th, it was a surreal and dreamy experience to first frantically scroll through the multi-page referral document and gaze into our son's eyes and see his beautiful face, but I did not anticipate the immense sadness that would soon accompany the excitement as I read through his story. Of course, I knew cerebrally that any child who is in a position where they are going to be adopted, has to have experienced incredible loss, but it smacked me right in the face when it became personal. Without divulging any details of Ashen's story (because we've chosen to keep his early life story private for him to share if/when he's ready) I was just very naive to the depth of grief, loss and sadness involved in adoption. I know it well now, and carry that grief for and with my son, and soon with his sister.
With that in mind, I know better now to anticipate the grief that will accompany the joy. It doesn't make the referral call any less momentous, important and anticipated--but it is not all roses.
8 comments:
I feel so fortunate to have you to share this with....and to prepare me for the joys, and sadness, that will be felt.
And the call may not be today, but just think...this is probably the last weekend you'll need to wait!
Hello deary... waiting with you. I can appreciate your loss with the joy. I've not experienced it as far as with my own kiddos...but with Benjamin. You're right...children in a position to need a loving home often have sad stories to share. You're a wonderful mom to protect your kiddos and fully understand that the stories are their's to share or not. I've always loved you for understanding their individuality and need to keep your children protected. You're a soft place for them to fall... good work mommy.
you got Ashen's referral call the day Grace was born!!! :)
Can't wait to hear about your referral, though! I'm guessing you'll have an exciting week next week!
I'm so excited for you too!! Everytime I see a new post, I hope this one is the one!!! You need to come up with a new blog name! :o)
Will you have a party to introduce your new little girl to the world?? I haven't met your other two kids yet either. One of these sunny days, we should meet up at the zoo.
Definitely a bittersweet and mixed bag thing. I think its great you are entrusting the details of their stories to your kids when they are ready.
So excited for you, too! Can't wait to hear the news, SOON!
I so admire you...for your honesty, heart and realness about the 'stuff of life'. Praying for you guys, for your beautiful boys and your sweet girl...and the story God has written for each of you!
I cannot WAIT to hear about you guys finally getting your call!!! Hoping it comes super soon.
Hey Sarah -- I don't get a chance to read your blog often (busy with my own 2 kiddos and family as I'm sure you can relate!). But I saw this post and have to agree 100%. On one hand you're sooo extremely excited and thrilled and elated but on the other you're filled with this sadness. I never expected that with Calla's referral either...I guess I was just focusing on the positive for us that we now had the much-anticipated addition to our family. That sadness and grief hit me hard too. I think it has to be better going into it somewhat knowing what to expect. Hang tough -- you'll get that call before you know it!!! In the meantime focus on the 2 boys you have and cherish the moments of being a family of 4 before SHE arrives! :)
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