What to say and what not to say...

I'm borrowing this post from another couple's blog who recently adopted an adorable boy from Ethiopia. I thought it was insightful about respectful adoption language. I hadn't thought about this until we started this process and recognize some phrases that don't make us feel too good.

Words are extremely powerful and the way that we talk about issues such as adoption “can reflect maximum respect, dignity, responsibility and objectively about the decisions made by birthparents and adoptive parents” (from an article in Perceptive Press by Pat Johnston). Here are some examples that can help as you are talking about adoption to others:


Photo : A little girl I met in February in Ethiopia



1. When talking about a birthmother
Negative
“The birthmother is giving up her baby for adoption.”
Positive
“The birthmother has made an adoption plan for her child.”

Negative
“The birthmother has decided to keep her child.”
Positive
“The birthmother has chosen to parent her child.”

2. When talking to adoptive parents
Negative
“Do you have any children of your own?”
Positive
“Do you have any biological children?”

3. When talking to someone who was adopted
Negative
“Have you met your real parents?”
Positive
“Have you met your biological parents?”

4. When introducing adopted children to others
Negative
“This is Bill and Julie’s adopted child.”**
Positive
“This is Bill and Julie’s child.”

**Calling out the way that a child joined a family is not necessary. People wouldn’t consider saying, “This is Bill and Julie’s birth-control-failure child.”

Four Adoption Terms Defined
By Rita Law
Natural child: any child who is not artificial
Real parent: any parent who is not imaginary
Your own child: any child who is not someone else’s child
Adopted child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.